Well here is a story for you! How I learned to love myself, open my Heart Chakra, release distortion, heal and then attract love.
I was in a Buddhist Meditation Centre in Bali on a Silent Retreat in 2013. I have come to learn that whenever I am in that kind of situation, cut off from there outside world, there is nowhere to hide and my inner most deepest feelings, insecurities and problems will arise – not to hurt me but to give me the opportunity to learn, heal and grow. The Universe continually presents these opportunities and sometimes I am ready and other times I am not. And that’s ok.
So on this retreat high up in Bali away from the noise, we would wake up at 4am, watch the stars and the Moon disappear as the Sun rose whilst listening to our Teacher giving his discourse of the day. It was magical. Then we would have breakfast around 7am and have time until 12pm to meditate and work on ourselves until lunch. Following lunch, we would spend the rest of the day until 8pm either serving within the retreat or meditating. After our second discourse of the day, we went to bed and it all happened again in the morning. This was a 10 day retreat.
The painful realisation
So on day 4, I had a horrible realisation that literally shook me to my core. I was 39 years old and I had never been loved to the standard that I had wanted. I had this huge gaping hole of wanting and needing love and no one – not my family, friends, partners or anyone else, had filled it. I felt very unloved. I questioned whether I had done something wrong. Wasn’t I good enough? Had I upset Source? Why didn’t anyone love me enough to fill that hole? Was I unlovable? Was I bad?
The breakdown
Well that realisation brought on 12 hours of continual, uncontrollable sobbing. I felt horrible and worthless and wrong in so many ways. In my life, I had experienced a ton of abuse but not enough love. It seemed to be a huge injustice to me.
Receiving Healing from The Universe
The crying started at 6am and around 6pm, a Balinese gentleman saw me, approached me and helped me. Without touching me, he instantly calmed me down because at that stage, I was hyperventilating. I had reached crisis mode. He moved his hands over me like he was pulling strings and clearing my energy field and I felt instant relief.
He didn’t speak any English but his wife who was next to us the whole time, spoke a little. I asked them what had happened and he told me I had had an emotional breakdown and I had lost control but I was ok now. He reassured me that everything was going to be ok and that he had realigned my Chakras. I was out of the danger zone – and I trusted him. I knew that he was right.
Here is the photo taken of the retreat. If you can spot me, you will see the expression on my face as I quickly wiped my eyes and attempted to crack a smile for a second. But inside I was so deeply sad.
The conclusion
As the day turned into evening, I had come to understand that I had closed my heart off so that I could not be hurt again. I allowed a little love in but the majority of my Heart Chakra was closed, blocked and had so many walls and shutters on it, that no one could get in even with the best will in the world.
My resilience and determination
With this realisation, I vowed to fix this. I created it so I was the only person who could change it. Yes things happened to make me that way but ultimately it was my responsibility to fix it and I knew that. So with this knowledge and understanding, I continued the retreat and even had fun with some new friends.
When I got back to London, I took the following steps:
- I made the decision to learn to open my Heart Chakra and learn to love myself…whatever it took. I committed myself to that.
- I forgave myself for being in this situation. I didn’t know any better and I was doing my best. I closed myself off to not feel pain, it was a survival mechanism. That was acceptable considering the circumstances.
- I re-read You Can heal Your Life by Louise Hay and treated it like a workbook. I did all the affirmations and exercises over and over again until this information became unconscious competence.
- I did numerous guided meditations on how to open your Heart Chakra as well as just listening to heart opening frequency music.
- I read numerous blogs and articles on how to open your heart and how to love yourself. Heal Yourself by Anne Jones was another book that really helped and I did her meditations.
- I made a list of all of the people who had hurt me in the past and I made a commitment to forgive each one, one by one. It wasn’t easy and it took a lot of time but I worked hard and I did it.
- I spent time alone breaking down the barriers, pulling down the walls and opening the shutters that prevented me from beaming out love and receiving love. The first part was understanding how they got there and then letting the past go which I did successfully. As I say on the landing page of my website Tune In, Release, Evolve and Transform.
With my commitment to showing up and doing the work I needed to, I did it!
Literally 3 or 4 months later, a gentleman came into my life and I allowed myself to be loved. I didn’t need to go out and look for him. The Universe placed him right in front of me. He was kind, extremely loving and caring and he filled the remainder of that huge hole…the parts I couldn’t fill myself. Sorry to be clear, half of it was for me to love myself and the other half was for me to allow love in and be loved.
All of my actions had resulted in a wonderful opening of my Heart Chakra so that I could give and receive love. It felt so great!
This relationship lasted around 3 and a half years. We split because we both wanted our lives to go in different directions. For me, I wanted to move to Italy and that was ok. We didn’t hold on to one another out of desperation. We were in each others lives for a reason and when our work was done, we departed amicably. To this day, I still have a ton of love and respect for him and I wish him all the best in his life.
So my darlings, that is how I healed my Heart Chakra.
That day was the very making of me. Now I have so much love inside that it spills out. It’s solid and dependable and kind and nourishing. I created the depth of love that I craved. It was all deep within me. So now, I can love myself and others. I evolved to a state I could never have imagined through this experience. And that is how I healed my Heart Chakra and learned to really love myself.
What about you? Do you need help?
Many of us really struggle with giving and receiving love to the standard that we desire. We often settle for less than we deserve, as I did too many times. It’s never too late, remember I was 39 when I came into all of this and for some people, it is much later in life. There is no time limit. We all have our individual timelines for healing and your Soul always knows when you are ready. So trust.
If you need any help healing, consider a Distant Energy Healing with me. I recommend you read about it and my Testimonials and decide if this is the right route for you. If yes, you can book online or contact me at contact@evolvewithsuky.com if you have any questions.
If you would like to learn to love yourself and open your Heart Chakra, some Intuitive Coaching Sessions can help. Again read about what it is and book directly if this resonates. We would have a chat to determine if I can help you and then if yes, book our sessions.
Finally, I don’t think I will ever stop banging on about Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life. It was extremely helpful in healing and opening my Heart Chakra.
In any case, there is help available. You don’t have to suffer in silence x
